Seven habits of highly successful recluses

1. Don’t use social media. That way you don’t have to connect with people, collect online ‘friends’ and followers or shoulder the growing burden of the minutiae of everyone else’s lives.

2. Don’t buy a phone. No texts, no calls, no gossip: peace.

3. Don’t network. You won’t have to walk into a room full of

  • strangers who try to sell to you
  • acquaintances who try to sell to you
  • people you have to sell to.

4. Start a remote business such as a lighthouse on a rocky crag or an inaccessible hill farm inhabited only by sheep. If you’re based on a small, temperate desert island blessed with fruit trees, fertile soil, flocks of sheep, goats and other sources of food, forget the business altogether.

5. Don’t volunteer or join community groups. They’ll drag you on to a committee, which is hell for a recluse.

6. Don’t go out in the sun. The parks and beaches will be full of families, screaming children and other noisy groups. On cloudy or rainy days they are nowhere to be seen and you can enjoy the outdoors as it’s meant to be.

7. Turn down invitations to parties or other social gatherings. This will ensure you are not subjected to the torture of small talk, tedious monologues about holidays, pretentious restaurants or new cars.

Adopt these practices to keep yourself to yourself and enjoy decades as a solitary loner untroubled by the rest of the human race.

2 thoughts on “Seven habits of highly successful recluses”

  1. Good bit of fun! I’d have to add that if you choose a home with no indoor plumbing, people will soon enough choose to not drop by for tea. Or anything else…


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