Why do they grow so fast? What’s the point? No sooner than you cut them, they grow again. And it’s not just finger-nails, it’s toe-nails and hair too. Just when you’ve got your hair comfortable after a good shearing, it starts flopping over your eyes. I’m surprised the Government hasn’t slapped a fix penalty on speeding finger-nails to refill its coffers and offset the billions it has wasted on buying collapsed banks – not much of a bargain if you ask me. But they probably wouldn’t stop there: soon they’d have speed cameras so they could issue fines for runny noses . . . hm, perhaps this idea is running away with itself. Stop here and now.